Subtle principles of life
With two young sons I’ve been thinking a lot about the values I’d like to impress upon them to prepare them for the world they are learning to navigate. The following are principles that I have lived by for a long time now and have recently heard other people talk about or I’ve observed how not following these ideas can lead to negative or at least, less than ideal consequences. That’s not to say that your life will be bad if you don’t follow these but I think they can pretty universally put the cream on the cake of life.
Care about what matters, otherwise, let it go.
If you took anything away from this post then this should be it. If you really think about it, the things that really matter in life could probably be counted on one hand. The first step in following this principle is to determine what are the non-negotiable opinions that truly matter to you. For example, I am a Christian so the things that truly matter to me are maintaining my relationship with God, loving and protecting my family, and valuing people over stuff. If something doesn’t fall in that list then I will still argue for my position but I don’t let it get to me if things don’t go my way. There is an Amazon leadership principle that sums this up nicely with the heading of “Have backbone; Disagree and Commit.” I think my idea goes a little further than simply “disagree and commit” though because if it isn’t of ultimate importance then you need to be able to let go completely. If you are able to accomplish this then you will find your stress levels dropping immensely.
Minimize your dependencies.
We all have needs and wants. We all like to treat ourselves from time to time, indulging our wants. This is fine and in my opinion probably necessary to maintain a healthy mental state. The problem enters when we start looking at our wants as needs. This is addiction. It’s easy to look down on the alcoholic since there can be obvious and visible damage that can occur when someone becomes addicted to alcohol. But what about coffee? There’s an entire subculture around coffee where people almost take pride in the fact that they cannot function normally without two or more cups of coffee. More disturbing is when coffee is used as the excuse for an outburst or lack of follow through on a task. We laugh it off and the issue is forgotten giving the person who failed a free pass. I’m not saying drinking coffee is a bad thing. If I’m feeling tired, I absolutely enjoy drinking a cup or two of coffee as a nice pick me up, but it is not a necessity for me to start the day with coffee. The issue is when it becomes an addiction or dependency.
Be aware of your environment.
Situations that you are prepared for usually end up with better outcomes than situations that come out of nowhere. Being aware of your immediate environment allows you to anticipate events before they occur and optimize your response to those events.
Be aware of how you impact other people.
This extends the previous point to specifically address how it effects the people around you. Everyone can spot oblivious people in public but it’s much harder to see when you are being the oblivious person. So pay attention. Not only will this allow for more pleasant interactions with the people around you but in certain instances like driving a car it can also help keep you safer. When you are aware of the people around you and how they are reacting to your actions you are better able to gauge when you can ask for help from them and when they might need help from you.
Keep it simple.
Simple heuristics make the world go ‘round. The simpler things are the easier they are to diagnose and fix when they break down. Now I would like to point out that simple does not necessarily mean easy. Rich Hickey is a software developer who gave an excellent talk on simplicity within the realm of software systems but I think it translates well to life in general.
Conclusion
I’ve only been around for 30ish years but the ideas outlined above have served me pretty well and I think they can work for you too. What principles do you live by?